It was a dark and stormy morning. 

No, that’s not right…

It was the night before school started and all through the house not a creature was stirring… 

…not even my husband?

**Side note here: It wasn’t night either – not really. It was 5:45am. A time no human being should be forced to get out of the bed… If you ask me, it is inhumane.

Something is wrong… very wrong. Terribly, horribly wrong.

There are no lights on in the house. 

Normally, my husband is up. 

Probably has been for at least an hour.

Normally, he has already consumed and entire pot of a nasty, thick, black tar-like substance he calls coffee. 

AND NORMALLY, he has by now brewed me my very own special pot of delicious, medium brew, flavored coffee, (preferably Hazelnut or Caramel Drizzle). 

But that’s normally – today, I can tell things are…

NOT normal. 

I glance to my right and there lying beside me is my husband…

sleeping?

Oh the horror! The audacity!

Does he not realize that today is the first day of school? Does he not realize that I am required (by law) to wake up, rouse my children, and get them off to school? In a timely manner?

A severe case of hyperventilation ensues as I realize that not only do I not have coffee but also at this present moment, the coffee maker is filled with what will eventually brew to be thick black tar. 

Even if I did know how to start said machine  -which I don’t– it certainly would not brew the very thing I depend on to start my day!

I lie there for a moment longer – suspended, so to speak. Trying desperately to gather my thoughts. (Impossible – I haven’t had my coffee!) 

Caught, I am, between the proverbial rock and hard place. 

says I

On the one hand, my husband doesn’t sleep. I mean, I can count on (same) hand the number of times I have woke up before him and we’ve been married now for almost 18 years. 

Bless his sweet, dear loving soul. He works tirelessly to be a wonderful husband, father and provider. 

“For crying out loud,” I scold myself. “Let the man sleep!” 

On the other hand – today… well, today is the first day of school. How can I possibly get the kids up and ready when I have yet to have at least one (who am I kidding?) TWO of my precious, necessary, I-really-can’t-function-properly-without-it cups of go juice?!?!

“You can do this!”

The Me Angel on my left shoulder cheers.

The Me Daemon on my right shoulder is shooting fiery arrows at my (still) sleeping husband, screaming “Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!” 

Useless Me Daemon!

Her arrows fall short, setting my pillow ablaze. Her chant is more like a wheeze. Bless her little heart, she hasn’t had her coffee either. 

As noisily as I possibly can, I roll off the bed and tumble to the floor. Maybe the noise will jar my sleeping friend into consciousness. 

No such luck.

Nada.

No movement. 

All I hear is the soft snore that let’s me know the man is nowhere near the waking up point. 

“You can do this!” Me Angel encourages. 

DRAT!

I army crawl across the bedroom floor, slowly making my way to my hands and knees. Reaching the door, I grab the handle and manage to pull myself upright. 

All the blood has rushed to my brain, and though my eyes are open I am temporarily blinded. I wobble forward anyway, bumping into the ping-pong table and bouncing off the wall. 

As if that wasn’t enough, just because I LOVE to make an entrance, I trip over my son’s backpack and face-plant in the middle of the kitchen floor. 

“You made it!” Me Angel yells. Enthusiastically, she does a high kick followed by a straddle jump.

How do you do it? I gape at her in dumbfounded wonder. 

She would have gotten away with it, if it hadn’t been for the awkward spin and sheepish grin. And though I didn’t have all my wits about me, I noticed it.

Yes, I noticed it.

The subtle almost completely inconspicuously placed IV drip attached to my Me Angel’s arm. 

Cheater! I glare… but then it hits me.

An earth shattering epiphany – Is that what heaven is all about? A coffee drip?!

I want a coffee drip!

Somehow, and I still don’t know how, I am standing in front of the coffee maker. 

So many buttons! I moan.

How on earth does my husband do this? 

I stare blankly at the buttons while it dawns on me that once again I am in dire straights.

All my labor up to this point is in vain.

Whatever am I to do? 

I have never – NEVER – not once in all my years, had to brew my own coffee. Each morning for the past 18 glorious years, my husband has hand delivered a steaming hot mug of coffee to me. Most of the time while I am still lying in bed! I have had to do nothing but sip the liquid gold and let it course through my veins, waking every cell of my body so I could then – and only then – start my day. 

How close am I to living heaven here on earth? I mean if I couldn’t have the coffee drip, then certainly my life – as it stands – is the next best thing!

I continue to stare at the buttons. 

Flummoxed. 

I can make no sense of the blurry letters jumbled up in front of me. Which button do I push? 

“Just push them ALL!”

Me Daemon screams.

I whip into action, startled by the shear forcefulness of the command, and without thinking – I mean let’s be real, how can I possibly think? I haven’t had my coffee. It is physically impossible for me to do so – I push every button on the coffee maker. 

A sense of relief washes over my entire being as I hear the familiar gurgle of the coffee beginning to brew…

But wait…

What is that sound? 

Suddenly and without warning the pot begins to shake, violently rocking back and forth. 

“Take COVER! – It’s about to blow” I scream these very words; surely, SURELY, he will hear them and JUST! WAKE! UP!

These are my final thoughts as I dive for cover behind the kitchen island, bang my head on the corner of the countertop, and crumple lifeless to the floor. 

~

“Honey,” I hear the faint call but can’t quite gather myself to respond. “Honey, get up.” I feel a gentle nudge on my shoulder. Groggily, I open my eyes and glance around the dimly lit room. 
I realize I am lying safely in bed. The clock by my nightstand reads 5:55. I sit up and soak in my three favorite words. 

“Here’s your coffee.”

Thank YOU!

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Thank you and have a wonderful (hopefully coffee filled) day!